Back when I drank, the truth is the first few drinks all went swimmingly. If you loved drinking, you know what I’m talking about. You sit down and crack that drink, and you’re off to the races.
The first few are relaxing and then the warm buzz hits. All is well you think until all of a sudden you wake up the next day wondering what happened? It was going so well.
These days in sobriety I have the same phenomenon with stinkin’ thinkin’. The fact is I’m addicted to thought-patterns, often falling into patterns of grandiosity.
When I start a thought-pattern all is well. No harm done. Just a small dose of day-dreaming and imagination.
Then, at some point the thinkin’ turns to stinkin’ thinkin’. I start getting expectant and wanting something. I become obsessed and fall into bouts of self pity, fear, resentment, a major case of a sense of entitlement … or some other adverse emotional state.
The trouble is it may be days before I realize I’ve fallen into such a bout of stinkin’ thinkin’.
There’s a reason great meditation teachers teach about finding the gap in between thoughts. That gap or silence is where the peace is. There’s no stinkin’ thinkin’ in the gap.
I don’t plan of trying to turn my mind off permanently, but I know I could benefit from working on finding the gap and entering silence a little more often.